Early Morning Thoughts

Lifestyle | May 23, 2014

Yesterday I was a girl…Today I am a woman.

Ever look back in your life and shake your head at all that you thought you knew about life and how much your perspective has changed today? It happens to me often. Every year I look back and wonder how is it that I was so childish and didn’t even know it! And the beauty about it all is that every year I feel the same way. Then I wonder, am I growing? Am I learning? Am I becoming wiser? Better? Am I changing? Is change good after all?

As long as I can look back and know what I could have done differently, I am maturing. But I do not wish to change anything, for every experience I have had has molded my present today. And the present is a sweet, sweet joy to experience. I am here. Can I be any more grateful than that? I am alive. I can speak, walk, write, move, love…I’m alive. I am thankful for that.

Every night before bed I have this habit of looking through pictures on my phone. I love reliving some of the moments in the past, even the very recent past, like the birth of my son, or my engagement, or the day I got married, telling my family we were pregnant, and many more. It’s so bittersweet though. One one hand it fills my heart with happiness, and on the other I feel sadness that those moments are gone. It’s all going by so fast. Before we know we’ll be in our 70’s wishing we could go back and live again in a day like today; where the sun is shining, where we’re young and free, where the world is in our hands and we have a long future ahead of us…I hope at that age I look back and reminisce with joy rather than sorrow.

The biggest lesson I have learned so far is that your happiness lies within you. Only YOU can make you happy. And if anything others do affects your inner peace it is because you are allowing them to. I have learned that love makes me happy; love for my husband, for my son, for my family, for close friends, and believe it or not love for complete strangers who need it. Love for and love from is the key to my joy. Reciprocated love. The best kind. That’s my recipe for happy.

I ask my husband often why does he love me? What does he see in me that made him pick me for the rest of his life? Because even though I know what my worth is and who I am, the hardest thing in life is to let others see it; believe it or not being YOU is hard for many of us. It was hard for me for many years. It took a while to realize that being truly me is the best thing I can be; it’s the best version of Egreis there is; and once I accepted it, I found love. True love. The love you want to get married and have babies with. Not the teenage love we all thought we were head over heels for, yet fought and broke up daily.

I look back at last year even and I can’t help but be somewhat in disbelief. My day was filled with red bottoms and shopping. Is that all I ever did? Is that all I cared for? Was I seriously that materialistic or did I get so caught up in what society deems as success that I forgot to be me, the real me, the real Egreis? And I ask my husband again, “how did you see past it? How did you not judge me for all of that?” And he simply smiles and says because he knows what’s inside of me, and the love I’m capable to give. As much as I wish I were different yesterday, I didn’t fail to be me with him…I failed to be with me, and today I have changed that.

And as I write this, my son is taking a nap right underneath my armpit. The most peaceful face I’ve ever seen; the most innocent look I’ll ever experience and boy am I thankful. I have been gifted with life and love. To not make the best of it is the ultimate regret to have. I promised myself today I will be the best me I can be. I will always be judged or misjudged, criticized, not deemed authentic, and many things, but that is part of belonging to a world I share with others. I’m okay with that. My only focus is that my inner circle is safe and sound; that my family is attended to; that my husband has a partner he can be proud of; and my son has a mother who would give her life to save his.

Yesterday I was a girl…Today I am a woman.

Egreis Gjergjani

Leave a Reply

  1. Anonymous says:

    Truly amazing!!! Only wish you the best

  2. Anonymous says:

    Beautiful.I wish I had your strength

  3. Kuzida says:

    Truly amazing piece! I agree with everything you said. Put my life is a better perspective as well! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and helping me and many others as well. God bless you and your family❤️

  4. NG says:

    Beautiful!!! Love that you found yourself and you are completely at peace.

  5. Anonymous says:

    you are such a positive force I love it!! Thank you

  6. Anonymous says:

    It’s amazing how children change your perspective on life. Everyone makes mistakes in life, but whats important is that you learn and grow from them.
    You are doing a great job and you should be proud of all you do for your family. They are blessed.

  7. Summer says:

    Reading this reminded me of so many things I used to struggle with. Without writing my own blog post in your comments section, I’ll just say that in my youth, I did way too much, too soon, and often with the wrong kinds of people. Thank God something in me knew that I deserved better and I needed to learn to be happy with me instead of living for the approval and attention of others. I made the kinds of mistakes that made me wonder if I’d ever be blessed with a husband or a family. I worried that I’d devalued myself so much that I didn’t deserve to be a mother. One day I prayed for God’s forgiveness and THEN I forgave myself. I stopped looking back and starting focusing on making myself better from that point since there was nothing I could do to “fix” the past. It seems the very moment I decided to live life as the best, most honest version of myself, all things became new. I met and married my best friend and am not only a mommy, but a mommy to 5 beautiful, healthy, absolutely amazing boys who love their mama with an unconditional love. Your post gave me a reminder today of the importance of taking a moment to look around and acknowledge those things we’ve been blessed with that we never really thought we deserved. And even though I’m not perfect (and unlike you, neither are my shoes – lol), apparently God thought I was good enough to be the recipient of this kind of perfect love. Thanks, again, for opening your life to us and sharing your experiences. You’re so cool in my book!

    1. Egreis Gjergjani says:

      What a beautiful way to express yourself. You really should start a blog. You write amazingly well! If you do, I would support you totally! I know you are not the only one that has been through that. I have too. And I’m sure plenty of other women. But the most important thing is what you said right here “And even though I’m not perfect, apparently God thought I was good enough to be the recipient of this kind of perfect love.”. This is what truly matters. Everything happens for a reason. You have all that you have because of a reason, one I don’t care to know. But it’s there. And you deserve it. So enjoy it and live it to the fullest. Congrats on your beautiful family and your 5 angels! <3

      1. Summer says:

        Wow. Thanks for responding! You get so many comments, I don’t know how you do it. I think a blog would be fun! Maybe once I get my life together and catch up on my 30 loads of laundry I’ll think about it :)), but thank you so much for the support!

        1. Egreis Gjergjani says:

          Haha I usually do it either early in the morning, or late at night. Sometimes during the day when Gio takes naps. But basically whenever he decides haha

  8. Anonymous says:

    Beautiful!! May I ask your opinion? Which color of the Gucci Claudie Sandals should I choose? Gold or Iridescent?! Help, pls!!

    1. Egreis Gjergjani says:

      you won’t go wrong with either 🙂

      1. Anonymous says:

        Thanks a lot!! Became a fan of your blog not too long ago. Love to see your great taste and love for you family. Gorgeus lady!

  9. GN says:

    You are such an inspiration to all of us. As I sit at work & read through your blog (oops, I shouldn’t but, this is far more interesting than work)… I think to myself “I need to be more happy”.
    Your blog made me think that I need to let go of negative people in my life, and focus my energy on the ones that care about me and the ones I care about. I love you even more now that you’ve become a mother, you are so genuine & sweetest person ever. Wish more Albanian women would be kindhearted and empower one another, instead of jealousy and gossip.
    You go girl…keep posting (blogs and photos) . xoxoxo

  10. Anonymous says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this. You are truly an inspiration. Please please please keep updating us on your life and sharing with us your past struggles and successes. It is really moving to see that an Albanian woman like yourself has this kind of mindset. It is not typical for Albanian women. I look forward to reading all your blog posts and I think I might save some so that I may re-read them whenever I feel down. Thank you again!!!!

  11. Anonymous says:

    You are great!!!! I love your attitude and you are just simply amazing!!!!

  12. Anonymous says:

    The most important thing is that you realize that you had made mistake in life and you have change to be a better person for you and you family! No one is perfect. I have had made lots of mistake when I was younger and I was in college, but I have learned from my mistakes and today and a better and very productive person. God bless your family and always stay positive!!!

  13. Yesnie Daniela Salazar says:

    Egreis, to start off I would love to introduce myself. My name is Yesnie Daniela Salazar, I am 18 years old, I live in Dallas, Texas, I am Spanish Mexican American. Wheeew so much- but I just wanted to tell you this…… Growing up I wanted to be a lawyer but then I noticed how creative I was, so I started painting… And then I stopped. Although I started having a passion for heels at 15, my grandmother always told me and she still does; that a girl should always have her heels on and her purse and be well groomed (but I don’t brush my hair at all I have thick beachy waves). I created an Instagram account and I saw you had all the red bottoms In the world!!!! Now that you have a son, seriously I have never met you or seen you, but I would always see your posts, Yes your son is a handsome young little man!!!! You are so lovely with him, you have set an example for me. I am an outcast type of gal. I don’t talk to many people, but I am not shy at all I just stay in an area where there is much negative influence… But I am a smart girl. I don’t want to be materialistic I want to be wise!!! I feel empowerment everyday. I went from malnutrition to being so healthy!!!! I went from having lack of knowledge to educating myself!!! I want to major in Big Data and it’s not even a major in universities yet!!! I want to be different a fabulous risk taker!!! I just want to thank you for being DIFFERENT. You are so beautiful and oh my goodness just an incredible mother!!!

  14. Luisanyi says:

    How amazing and lovely writing, i could personally relate to your thoughts, i been there and i am a mother as well. Never thought about life as i do now! You’re full of talents.. Keep it up

    1. Egreis Gjergjani says:

      Thank you! I appreciate that.

      1. regina says:

        its fashionhillz from IG

        this is a great post, i love your reflective quality. I love the fact that your husband laughs when you ask him how he saw past all the “glamour”….you didn’t realize it, but your love for him spoke past the things you were caught up in, he knew who you are truly. He let you “go on” and “play” because he was smart enough to recognize that in a little bit you would go through the change you described here. its really a beautiful thing! and the best part is he waited for this change, and now he has an amazing woman by his side.

        god bless you guys!

  15. Khaite Sall says:

    Hey sweetheart I can relate to every single of your post. I came here (US) 4years ago legally within that period of time I have completed my bachelors, found the love of my life (my amazing husband) and we have a year old son named Hassan (a big boy just like GIO

  16. Wahi says:

    Reading your bio has just brought me to tears! U are truely inspirational

  17. dima says:

    Morning from Dubai! Reading this from bed before I start off my day and this sure was positive ♡ wishing you all the best always. Life is about phases and at a certain point we needed the shoe and purse addictions so we can have enough of them in order to move on and be the fully dedicated mommies we are.

  18. Jaime says:

    Your truely one of a kind doll!!

  19. Debbie says:

    You truly are amazing!! I reflect on the exact same thing so often. I have 26 months old and a 5 month old born 2 days after Gio 🙂 Both are incredibly little boys.
    These little people will never ever know how much they’ve impacted us, they make us become the best versions of ourselves and I will forever be grateful to my two precious angels and my amazing hubby for that. Every day I thank God for blessing me with them. Gio is incredibly beautiful… Like his mommy 🙂 From what I can tell, you are an amazing person. Keep being you 🙂

    1. Egreis Gjergjani says:

      Thank you so so much Debbie!

  20. myriam says:

    Beautiful doll you are amazing and a role model

    1. Egreis Gjergjani says:

      Thank you!! I appreciate it

      1. Anonymous says:

        Always doll I admire you

  21. Cacia says:

    Wow! I first discovered you on Instagram, pre-Gio, and followed you because I loved seeing your shoes. Now, I am so thankful that I did! Even though I only know you through a computer screen, your profound words and pictures brighten my day and help me smile and realize how lucky I am! Thank you!

  22. Rodé says:

    Wow simply amazing !!! Brought tears to my eyes!! You’re an incredible woman and it is true what you wrote we get caught up on the materialistic things that we sometimes forget what is really important we need to learn how to balance the things that we love in life. I’m a mother of three and I look at them every night and can’t picture how my nights will be without them… Love you’re blogs

  23. joeann says:

    You are amazing. Thank you for sharing.